“You’ve become skinnier,” were some of the first words that my uncle said to me last weekend when we saw each other for the first time in three years. I didn’t think much of it, as greetings followed by those types of comments was a common occurrence in my family reunions. 

In China, talking about each other’s body types is very normalized. Whether it’s seeing your usual hairdresser for the first time in a while or going to a big family event, such comments will often be brought up. 

Growing up in China surrounded by Chinese people, I got used to hearing those comments on a pretty regular basis. I got used to the feeling of shame when a family member would point out how my cheeks had gotten chubbier or my stomach had grown bigger. 

On the other hand, I also got used to the feeling of pride when they would say I got skinnier. 

I know that they mean no harm when they comment on how my body has changed, and I’m well aware of the generational gaps and cultural differences that exist. If they were raised in an environment where it was normalized to talk about other people’s bodies, it’s reasonable to assume they’ll adopt that behavior as well. 

But as a child, I automatically associated the “skinny” comments as praises, because those were the comments that were said with a smile and a positive tone. On the other hand, comments such as “your face got rounder” would often be followed by a “you should eat less.”

If these comments weren’t enough to reinforce the point of “skinnier is better,” then the world of Chinese entertainers and celebrities definitely was. Since I started watching my favorite Chinese reality show “Running Man” again to improve my Mandarin skills, I have realized just how common fat-shaming jokes are tossed around. One of the cast members has a slightly larger body type than the rest. In many episodes, the others would make fun of him by calling him fat to his face, comparing him to a pig or mentioning how much he loves eating. 

If these jokes were made on an American reality show today, I’m almost certain it would spark controversy. But in China, this show is one of the most popular reality shows that is still being filmed and released, with many of the viewers even joining in all the fat-shaming jokes over social media or the comment sections. 

Moving back to America and spending my teenage years here, I quickly realized how different the two environments perceive talking about body types. Here, with the increase in body positivity movements all over social media and across celebrity platforms, it’s become clear that someone’s body type is not something that should be casually joked about or even brought up in conversations. 

Comments such as “you’ve become skinnier” are interpreted as a big compliment in China, but can be perceived in a harmful way in America. Thus, I had to adjust to a new culture, forcing myself to really believe that all bodies are beautiful. 

During this adjustment period and change in my mindset, it was hard not to think back to all the times I was made to feel less than enough because of something as trivial as an extra inch on the circumference of my stomach. There were times where I almost resented my culture for the ways it encouraged brutal honesty and prioritized physical appearances above all else. 

But now, I’ve accepted that my identity will always be made up of two cultures: Chinese and American. While it’s tempting to gravitate towards one over the other, I’ve learned to appreciate the beauty and intricacies of both. 

For Western culture, I’ll always be grateful for the influencers and celebrities who largely advocate for body positivity, some even building their entire platform on that subject. Furthermore, TikTok has changed the way I perceive body image and has helped me learn to love myself by challenging societal beauty standards. 

In contrast, many might criticize China’s approach to the topic of body image. However, based on my experience from living in China, I’ve realized that because the topic is much more normalized there, people are less sensitive to it and less likely to be affected by the jokes or the comments. 

With China’s heavier emphasis on physical health, I’ve come to understand that although hearing “you’ve become chubbier” from my relatives doesn’t feel too great at the moment, it’s coming from a place of genuine concern and love. Likewise, instead of feeling awkward when hearing “you’ve become skinnier,” I will just smile and thank them because I know they mean it as a compliment. 

Last weekend when I saw my uncle, I’ll admit that a part of me was glad to hear the words “you become skinnier” from him. 

I can’t help but feel that a part of me will always think skinnier is “better” because of the environment I grew up in. However, by appreciating the American take on body image, I’ve learned to believe that all bodies are beautiful and we should never dictate our worth based on the number on a scale. At the same time, my Chinese upbringing and heritage have also taught me to accept comments on my body from my family and friends and recognize that it comes from a place of genuine concern and love.