Between the World and Me

This year was particularly challenging for me, because turning 23 is not the kind of milestone people consider worth celebrating.

During the many times I’ve had a friend group fall out or grow apart, the following weeks certainly felt like a genuine loss. Yet grief seems to just be emblematic of the lasting love we had for our friends, and that is a comforting reminder that these relationships are worth pursuing.

Unlike the taco I ordered, the conscious decision I made to let myself enjoy the moment was healthy. I allowed myself to separate who I was as a person and how much work I got done that day.

hen I suddenly didn’t love drawing so much, it hurt to think that my unique passion was suddenly transformed into a forgotten hobby. It begs the question: is passion a rigid pursuit that you can't live without, such as photography or woodworking?

If you’re an introvert like me, you might relate to my embrace of loneliness. Even still, the social pressures of college make it difficult to accept our evening rituals of eating dinner, reading a book and watching Netflix alone.

At times, it feels like I haven’t grown or made any progress, as if I’m pretending to know what I’m doing as I go through college. That’s how bad habits work, but when you can’t break them, you learn to grow around them. The reality is that in a way, I am pretending my way through school, and that’s fine.

The weekend comes around, and suddenly, I don’t have so much time. It isn’t that I, or anyone else, intentionally let job postings expire without ever submitting a resume. I think the bottom line is the misperception of permanence — that things will always be there.

A lot of students can gain from some dullness and suffering, some education in life and a little misdirection about their own trajectory.